I MADE A MUSIC VIDEO (And some other exciting announcements!)

On April 17th, 2014, m'dude and I made things official! I'll start from the beginning... sort of:

Valentine's Day 2012, my dude asked me to marry him. I had actually set up something sweet and romantic for when he came over with candles and home made decorations that I had scattered across the floor... all with reasons I loved him. The song that played in the background was "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab For Cutie because it was kinda our song... At the end of my little trail, I was sitting on the floor with one last reason I loved him (That's not to say those were the only reasons... those were just big reasons) and I handed it to him. In exchange for that, he handed me a letter... the letter expressed how much he loved me, and at the very end, this is what he wrote:

Of course, I said yes! There was no ring, but I didn't care!

As the year progressed, I picked out different rings I liked... Sometimes I'd say "This is definitely THEEEEEEE one! FOR SURE!" and then I'd change my mind.... Cuz I'm fickle. But hey, it's a ring I plan to keep for forever! I wanna make sure it's exactly what I want. But as time went on, a ring never did come... it took a while before I started to care... and what made me care was this (and I feel it needs explaining because I know many people who have bugged me about this saying a ring is just a material item): Any time I would refer to him as my fiancé or any time I'd say I was engaged, I could see people looking for my ring. I felt like people were thinking I was in one of those relationships where you get engaged to everybody you date, and I didn't wanna be seen like that. We started looking at rings again, but that was all we were ever doing. By November of 2013, I found the ring I was FOR SURE FOR SURE about this time... Really! It was on layaway because I didn't want a ring I'd likely have issues with, and I can't wear sterling silver (my finger gets crazy itchy bumps with anything fake), and I also wanted something that was different, but obviously an engagement ring, and I found that ring finally! But as much as we tried to budget it out that I would have my ring paid off, it just wasn't possible, especially not with Christmas coming up and our daughter's birthday following the next month. I finally said I wanted a do-over! What??? Basically, I was giving him another chance to propose WITH a ring! Until then, we were simply boyfriend and girlfriend. Seems silly, I'm sure, but that's what I wanted. SO, he agreed to it. I was hoping by Christmas of 2013 that he was gonna propose then. That didn't happen. He promised by Valentine's Day, I'd have a ring... that didn't happen... I was feeling pretty disappointed. I was also feeling like maybe he just didn't want to marry me after all. Maybe this was just his way of telling me that. It was depressing.

On April 17th, 2014, my friend took me out at the request of my dude (she was totally in on it!) and when I came home (which she was texting him letting him know how close we were to t
he house) I walked up to the door... I saw a big envelope taped under the handle....

 

So, I opened it (because it said to, of course!) and I walked inside.....

 

There was music playing; Some of my favourite tunes about love. I didn't see him... Anywhere! I was a bit confused if I'm being honest lol. I had to wash my hands sooooooo bad, so I quickly washed them, and when I came out of the washroom, I heard a voice saying "hey...." turned around, and there he was. He kinda came out of a dark corner since the lights were out and there were only candles lit. He walked right up to me and said all he needed to say, and of course the answer was always gonna be "yes"... But I cried because I wasn't expecting it at all. I knew he had the ring, I just didn't know when or where or how it was all gonna happen.

 

So you'd think after this, I'd be everywhere announcing the engagement and showing off my ring, but nope! I had other plans... I wanted to make this announcement EPIC! I had gotten some inspiration from a video I had seen by one of my favourite vloggers, Missy Lanning. Last year, she had made a beautiful Mother's Day video where she used photographs of many different types of mothers and hung them up. While I was inspired by that video, I also wanted to make the video original. As far as I know, anyways. So, I asked my engaged/married friends to submit photos whether it was a reaction photo from being proposed to, or engagement photos, or weddings pics! Many of my friends said "You can take as many pics from my photo albums as you wish!" so, I did! They had no idea what the photos would be used for.... just that I needed them for my latest cover I was gonna be posting. I met with a videographer who a friend had suggested to me (funnily enough, same friend I met Brad from!) and explained my concept. It was a bit unusual for him... the concept... But ultimately, he said he was interested in making it work! I also asked my friend (the same one who helped my dude with the proposal) to be a part of the video. She is a beautiful dancer, and I just really wanted her to be a part of this special announcement.

 

We set 2 dates to film. One for the lip syncing, and the other for the story part. The first day, I was out in the cold.... and when you see the video, you'll see why I was cold... The shirt I was wearing was quite thin! Unfortunately, by the end of the night, I started feeling a cold coming on. I thought maybe I just needed to shake off being out IN the cold... Sunday, I felt a bit worn out, but the show must go on.... and then the next morning, my throat was killing me!!! I dreaded swallowing. Ugh. But either way, I was being updated every day about the status of the video. Today, May 10th, 2014, the video was uploaded and shared on my facebook! I LOVE the video... I'm proud of it! It's my baby (other than my actual child lol) and so, I'm gonna share it here as well! I was able to get it onto my youtube channel, thankfully! Please check it out! Give it a thumbs up and comment or whatever, either way, I'm so happy with how it turned out, and so grateful for the people who participated... And I'm just excited to start planning a wedding! Yes, there is a date set, our engagement photos are scheduled for a couple of weeks from now, and we have a meeting with a wedding planner in about a week and a half! SO, things are moving along.

 

Anyways, I just wanted to share my awesome story, and since I haven't blogged in quite a while, I figured this was a good place to tell my story! I'm hoping to get back into blogging regularly again, especially since I've started seeing a counselor again!

 

Until next time,

 

Toots McGee

 

Click image to see the video!

 

Diary of a... Pill-popper??

You know how sometimes you see those moms who "pop pills"? and you think "geeeeeez" and then worry about the child's well-being? Sometimes it's nothing to really think about, and then sometimes it's definitely something to be concerned about when you're a bystander... But then the other day, I saw myself doing something that I was kind of ashamed of...

I was feeling some anxiety as I usually do, but for some reason, I was feeling it during the day when normally my medication keeps me feeling good for most of the day, and I don't have to worry my meds until the evening comes... Usually by then, Aurora's gone to bed... But for some reason, I was feeling is during the day while Aurora was playing. I got up, went over to where I keep my meds, grabbed two pills (just as my prescription says to) and took them... RIGHT-IN FRONT-OF MY DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know it's not the hugest deal on the planet, but she's at an age where everything she sees her parents do, or the things she sees/hears on TV or in movies... whatever... she imitates! It honestly made me feel horrible! I felt like a pill popping mother like the kind I'd see on the show Intervention... I never judged those women because I understood addiction... I just never thought I would be one of those women who'd do it right in front of her child. And believe me... She was watching. I didn't even give it any thought at all... At least not until I had gone to sit down... Then I was like "Wow... Did I really just do that??"

I know I'm not perfect. I make plenty of mistakes as a parent. I know many parents do. I never assumed I was better than any parent or mother... Though I'm sure there are some moms out there who I definitely am better than... Like the ones who starve their children and worse. Ugh. But, I felt so guilty because I labeled myself a pill popper.... Someone who takes every medication possible to ease or numb their pain and all feelings because the truth is, at that time, I was feeling so horrible that I just wanted my daughter's bed time to come at that very moment so I could rest rather than feel gross and have her come up to me asking me "who's that?" as she shows me her dolls... It's cute, but when I'm feeling like crap, I just don't even wanna hear air (Can you hear air?? Is that the same thing as asking what water tastes like? Hmmmmmmmmm. I'd make a great stoner! HAH. I kid.)

I know my medication is necessary.. I just wish I hadn't taken them in front of my daughter. It's like how I wish my fiancé wouldn't hold onto a cigarette the typical way people hold cigarettes... I never want my daughter to see him smoking because I don't want her to try to imitate it. She's already imitating things she sees on TV... The when Aria goes "shhhh" as she puts her finger up to her mouth during the Pretty Little Liars opening theme song... She knows lyrics to songs and has lines from movies memorized... Why wouldn't I worry she could and would imitate certain actions?

I guess it all just boils down to bad habits that need to be broken. I never want my daughter to think she has to do what mommy is doing because I know she does look up to me. I know she also looks up to her daddy. She thinks we have all the answers, and I don't want to set that kind of example for her.

Now, for some good news! I purchased a new microphone and recording software, so I've been busy trying to fiddle around with it and get used to it all. I've had professional studio equipment before, but I also wasn't the one handling any of it; my ex husband learned all of that. I'm just glad we have a huge walk-in closet that I can use as my studio.... it's honest pretty awesome :)

Anyways, that's it for me. I know I'm off by a couple of days. I'll try to get back on schedule right away... I just need to sort some things out, but one thing's for sure... I'm still gonna keep posting because I love it too much to stop :) Much love

Toots McGee!