I MADE A MUSIC VIDEO (And some other exciting announcements!)

On April 17th, 2014, m'dude and I made things official! I'll start from the beginning... sort of:

Valentine's Day 2012, my dude asked me to marry him. I had actually set up something sweet and romantic for when he came over with candles and home made decorations that I had scattered across the floor... all with reasons I loved him. The song that played in the background was "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab For Cutie because it was kinda our song... At the end of my little trail, I was sitting on the floor with one last reason I loved him (That's not to say those were the only reasons... those were just big reasons) and I handed it to him. In exchange for that, he handed me a letter... the letter expressed how much he loved me, and at the very end, this is what he wrote:

Of course, I said yes! There was no ring, but I didn't care!

As the year progressed, I picked out different rings I liked... Sometimes I'd say "This is definitely THEEEEEEE one! FOR SURE!" and then I'd change my mind.... Cuz I'm fickle. But hey, it's a ring I plan to keep for forever! I wanna make sure it's exactly what I want. But as time went on, a ring never did come... it took a while before I started to care... and what made me care was this (and I feel it needs explaining because I know many people who have bugged me about this saying a ring is just a material item): Any time I would refer to him as my fiancé or any time I'd say I was engaged, I could see people looking for my ring. I felt like people were thinking I was in one of those relationships where you get engaged to everybody you date, and I didn't wanna be seen like that. We started looking at rings again, but that was all we were ever doing. By November of 2013, I found the ring I was FOR SURE FOR SURE about this time... Really! It was on layaway because I didn't want a ring I'd likely have issues with, and I can't wear sterling silver (my finger gets crazy itchy bumps with anything fake), and I also wanted something that was different, but obviously an engagement ring, and I found that ring finally! But as much as we tried to budget it out that I would have my ring paid off, it just wasn't possible, especially not with Christmas coming up and our daughter's birthday following the next month. I finally said I wanted a do-over! What??? Basically, I was giving him another chance to propose WITH a ring! Until then, we were simply boyfriend and girlfriend. Seems silly, I'm sure, but that's what I wanted. SO, he agreed to it. I was hoping by Christmas of 2013 that he was gonna propose then. That didn't happen. He promised by Valentine's Day, I'd have a ring... that didn't happen... I was feeling pretty disappointed. I was also feeling like maybe he just didn't want to marry me after all. Maybe this was just his way of telling me that. It was depressing.

On April 17th, 2014, my friend took me out at the request of my dude (she was totally in on it!) and when I came home (which she was texting him letting him know how close we were to t
he house) I walked up to the door... I saw a big envelope taped under the handle....

 

So, I opened it (because it said to, of course!) and I walked inside.....

 

There was music playing; Some of my favourite tunes about love. I didn't see him... Anywhere! I was a bit confused if I'm being honest lol. I had to wash my hands sooooooo bad, so I quickly washed them, and when I came out of the washroom, I heard a voice saying "hey...." turned around, and there he was. He kinda came out of a dark corner since the lights were out and there were only candles lit. He walked right up to me and said all he needed to say, and of course the answer was always gonna be "yes"... But I cried because I wasn't expecting it at all. I knew he had the ring, I just didn't know when or where or how it was all gonna happen.

 

So you'd think after this, I'd be everywhere announcing the engagement and showing off my ring, but nope! I had other plans... I wanted to make this announcement EPIC! I had gotten some inspiration from a video I had seen by one of my favourite vloggers, Missy Lanning. Last year, she had made a beautiful Mother's Day video where she used photographs of many different types of mothers and hung them up. While I was inspired by that video, I also wanted to make the video original. As far as I know, anyways. So, I asked my engaged/married friends to submit photos whether it was a reaction photo from being proposed to, or engagement photos, or weddings pics! Many of my friends said "You can take as many pics from my photo albums as you wish!" so, I did! They had no idea what the photos would be used for.... just that I needed them for my latest cover I was gonna be posting. I met with a videographer who a friend had suggested to me (funnily enough, same friend I met Brad from!) and explained my concept. It was a bit unusual for him... the concept... But ultimately, he said he was interested in making it work! I also asked my friend (the same one who helped my dude with the proposal) to be a part of the video. She is a beautiful dancer, and I just really wanted her to be a part of this special announcement.

 

We set 2 dates to film. One for the lip syncing, and the other for the story part. The first day, I was out in the cold.... and when you see the video, you'll see why I was cold... The shirt I was wearing was quite thin! Unfortunately, by the end of the night, I started feeling a cold coming on. I thought maybe I just needed to shake off being out IN the cold... Sunday, I felt a bit worn out, but the show must go on.... and then the next morning, my throat was killing me!!! I dreaded swallowing. Ugh. But either way, I was being updated every day about the status of the video. Today, May 10th, 2014, the video was uploaded and shared on my facebook! I LOVE the video... I'm proud of it! It's my baby (other than my actual child lol) and so, I'm gonna share it here as well! I was able to get it onto my youtube channel, thankfully! Please check it out! Give it a thumbs up and comment or whatever, either way, I'm so happy with how it turned out, and so grateful for the people who participated... And I'm just excited to start planning a wedding! Yes, there is a date set, our engagement photos are scheduled for a couple of weeks from now, and we have a meeting with a wedding planner in about a week and a half! SO, things are moving along.

 

Anyways, I just wanted to share my awesome story, and since I haven't blogged in quite a while, I figured this was a good place to tell my story! I'm hoping to get back into blogging regularly again, especially since I've started seeing a counselor again!

 

Until next time,

 

Toots McGee

 

Click image to see the video!

 

A thank you letter...

So, I haven't been feeling so hot lately. I know I promised a new post every Tuesday and Friday, but wuddaya gonna do, eh?

I've been feeling a bit off, so I'm taking some time. I think that last post kinda brought me down a bit if I'm being honest. If I'm feeling better by Friday, I'll have a new post, but first, I would just like to say something:

I've had many friends message me and open up to me with their own stories and express their feelings because of the things I've written about, and those messages and friends are what make me want to keep writing. I've been through a lot which means I have a lot of stories to tell; many that others will relate to... Sadly. But my aim isn't to be a downer or throw a pity party and rehash the negative and bad things that have happened to me, but rather, it is to help others know they're not alone much like they have done for me once I've written my stories and sent them out into the world for anyone who is interested, to read. Sometimes, we're a part of a club that no one wants to be in or shouldn't have to be in, but it brings us all together, and that's not a bad thing. I also appreciate that people are trusting me enough to open up to me! And you can continue to trust me. More importantly, I appreciate that no one is judging me. Well, at least not out loud lol. But I definitely appreciate all of it.

Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you for making it worth the time and effort I put into writing my stories. Sometimes they're difficult to write because it's hard to talk about things that were hard to live through (obviously, since my last one kind of brought me down a bit,) but in the end, the support is there now when it wasn't there before. So, I love you guys! I'll see you in my next post!

Toots McGee!

Being a mother....

Truth be told, I had different plans for the topic of today's blog, but I ended up going with a different topic for two different reasons. One is because my threenager is sick with a cold that was passed down from her father, then to me, and now to her. Ugh. The other reason is because of a conversation my best friend and I had earlier.


A sweet moment captured between mother and daughter

Earlier tonight, my best friend and I were chatting about how my fiancé and I have discussed having another child. At first, he was strongly against it, but now, we're at the point where he'll at least think about it and weigh what he believes are the pros and cons of having another child. Anyways, my friend and I talked about how I really do want another some day, but how I'd feel guilty. When she asked why I'd feel guilty, I explained to her how I don't want Aurora to ever feel like she's less important or less special given the fact that when I was pregnant, I never had a baby shower; I never had maternity pictures done; I didn't have any pictures (except one) of me holding Aurora in the hospital when she was born. I didn't get any cute professional newborn photos done of her like I wanted to... And most importantly, my fiancé  wasn't around for the first 9 months of her life. He was a bit more hands on after 4 months, but that was only because I had to stop nursing her which meant he could take her overnight at his place. Before then, he rarely saw her because he was kind of a jerk. And in case anyone is confused, my fiancé and I were not together  throughout the 3rd trimester of my pregnancy. I'll be saving that story for a blog of its own, but I just want to make things clear that my fiancé went through a lot of great changes at the 9 month mark, hence why once 9 months rolled around, we got back together, and since then, we've been a very happy and healthy couple. But again, I'll devote a blog post just about that some day.

Even once we were together again, we weren't living together, so he didn't get to see Aurora the way he sees her now which is every day now that we are living together. And it would make me feel guilty if our new baby got everything Aurora didn't get. In talking with my friend, she gave some great advice: To just include her in everything! Not sure why I didn't think of that, but it's definitely a great idea. Have her help with the baby shower! Have her in all the maternity pictures. Have her in all of the newborn pics... Well, maybe not ALL... But just include her and make her feel special, too. And someday, if she ever asks, we can explain to her what happened and why she never got any of those things for her. None of them will hurt her, so I see no harm in telling her if she ever asks. If she doesn't, we'll let it be.

I love being a mother. I really do. And I hope someday that I will have two beautiful children! That Aurora can have a sibling. A friend for life! I love my older brother! He's like my buddy sometimes, and even though I never see him because we live in different countries, I still love chatting with him through Facebook and texts. :) Being a mother isn't easy. It can get frustrating... Especially when they're newborns and can't communicate. Then they're toddlers and they're a bit... Uh... Crazy? Yeah, crazy is a decent word, but it's like.. A different kind of crazy, lol. They can communicate, but they are picky and can't make up their cute little minds! And pregnancy isn't fun either! Then there's childbirth.... It's hard to imagine why any woman would WANT  another child after going through it once before and knowing what you'll be in for. But the truth is, being a mother is my favourite thing ever! Aurora loves to challenge me... And I love that about her! I love the challenges she brings me, too! She's so funny, and sweet, and she loves to sing to and with me, which is a huge, and literal dream come true! It's all worth it to me! I know what I'd have to deal with, and I don't mind it because I have a lot of love in my heart, and I just wanna share it someday with another little one! I'm not saying I wanna have a baby soon like.. In 9 months lol. But once Brad and I get married, which we still haven't even set a date for, I wouldn't mind trying for another.

I wonder if any other parents with more than one child has ever felt guilty at any point in time for whatever reason(s). Is it normal to feel that guilt? I don't know! I just know that if I'm ever lucky enough to be blessed with another child, my love for Aurora won't change, and my love for my new child will still be very strong.

Until next time!

Toots McGee!

Watch Aurora's 3rd birthday tribute video (not available on mobile, sorry!)