Well, to start, HI! Okay, so here's the scoop: I'm not a writer... I'm not really skilled when it comes to technology or the internet. I just have waaaaay too many thoughts, likes, dislikes, and things I wanna say. So forget the big words or creative writing because chances are, you won't find that here. Anyways, moving on...
Who am I? I'm a 31 year old mother of a threenager (look it up... It's a real thing, yo!). I live in Canada, but I'm originally from 'merica.... California, to be exact. I'm just gonna get it out of the way cuz I'm not gonna lie, I'm sick of the question "what brought you to Canada??" as if I'm absolutely insane to leave sunny California to live in the freezing cold Canada, which, might I add is only freezing cold during the winter! Sure, that's almost most of the year... But whatever summer we do get, it's bloody hot!
Anyways, back to why I'm here. So like, a long time ago, I met a guy from Canada. He was working in California on a work visa. I met him on friend finder (hah!) and after a year of dating, he proposed, we got married a few months later, and then after about a year or so, he thought it would be a good idea for us to move to Canada. I was like.. Um.. No? My family and friends live here... But I didn't really have a say because he had gotten a job pretty darn fast. He wanted to live close to his family... Close to where he grew up. The job was is Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. Yeah, I didn't even know how to pronounce or spell Saskatchewan until I met him.. In fact... I didn't even know of the province... In fact.. Okay, I better stop there before I start sounding dumb. Anyways, I said my goodbyes to my family, and then we were on the road for about 3 days. Obviously, stopping for food, gas, pee breaks, and sleep.... But in a uhaul truck... Oof, I should have asked him if I could fly out here and meet him at the airport... I don't think I was thinking too clearly at the time. I was a lot younger back then. Very early 20's. But anyways, we made it to Saskatchewan safe and sound beginning of August. I think it was 2005.... I honestly can't even remember.
We stayed at his parents' condo for a while which was normally inhabited by his 2 younger brothers, but they were out of town for a while. In the mean time, we looked for a home. We didn't just look for something to rent... We were looking for a place to call our own. So, we found some brand spanking new townhouses that were being built in a newer part of the city. This didn't bother me. I like new. But I'm gonna be honest... I wasn't happy. I was already getting homesick. We moved into our new home once it was ready that October. It was nice. Technically, I was living a dream... But I was lonely. My husband was at work all the time, and because I was in a city I didn't know with no friends, no license, and no car even if I had a license... I was starting to grow resentful. On top of that, I suffer from depression and anxiety which at that time, my ex husband didn't understand. His belief system was that all mental illnesses (uh, is that grammatically correct?) could be cured by positive thinking and putting on a big ol'smile! He was so positive and driven, and I was so... Not. I felt lost most of the time, and by the end of October, after a lot of thinking, I realized I may have married him for the wrong reasons. I may have married him because while I did love him, I wasn't IN love with him. I just didn't want to be alone. I was in love with the fact that I had a beautiful ring on my finger. I was in love with the fact that I was gonna finally have health insurance. I was in love with moving out of my parents' house (as much as I love them, I just can't live with them lol), I was in love with having a pretty wedding gown and a wedding ceremony where the entire day was basically about me looking like a princess. I was in love with knowing I could say "I'm married" if I ever bumped into the butt munches who bullied me in middle school and high school. Don't get me wrong, my ex husband is a great man; He just wasn't the one for me, and it took moving to a totally different country to get me to realize that. So, I asked for a divorce. He agreed it was probably the best thing for us to do. Now, here's the tricky thing: I come from a family that believes divorce is wrong... So... we kept it a secret for a while. I didn't "come out" to my family and friends as divorced until around February of the following year. It wasn't easy for them which wasn't easy for me cuz I felt like I had just broken their hearts. And let me just say, for the record, that there were issues before we even moved. The move almost seemed like we were trying to escape those issues and start a new life somewhere far from where the issues began... But those issues followed us, of course. We had gone through counseling together, and even the counselor didn't seem to think we should be together anymore. But why didn't I go back? Back to the place I was missing.. Where I had people who were missing me? Well, I had met some great people here in Saskatoon. It's ironic that I held resentment for my ex for making me move away from a life I was comfortable with, to a life of loneliness which was essentially the straw that broke the camel's back... But ended up falling in love with this city... This province... This country, and the people here. As far as the weather, the cold doesn't bother me (great, now I have a certain little song from a certain little movie stuck in my head!)
I've tried moving back to California a couple of times when life here was a mess... But I came back because this IS my home now. Whenever I'd go back, it didn't even feel like I was somewhere familiar. It felt like I was visiting some place totally new. Kinda like how I felt the first time I ever visited Canada! The people I had met.. They became like family. And though I've drifted apart from some of the people who were my main reason I stayed or came back, I'm happy I returned. Everything happens for a reason. It seemed like a big hassle that I got married, moved to a different country only to get divorced, and then go through all the craziness that came with such a big decision, but the truth is, if I hadn't met my ex and gotten married, I never would have moved out here. A lot has happened since I've moved here. I've had my heart broken many times. I've lived all over the city. Got my GED, had some fun and not so fun jobs. I became independent. Learned some very important lessons... Some of which were very difficult. But, there's a happy ending for everybody in all of this. My ex is now happily re-married to the RIGHT woman, and they have 2 beautiful daughters (we've stayed friends even after all we went through.) And as for me? Well... I'm living happily with the life and family I've created here in Canada.. But that's a story for a different post. Until then, now you all know what brought me here, and what's kept me here... So now you can stop asking ;).... Seriously... Stop :p
Toots McGee!
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