Being a mother....

Truth be told, I had different plans for the topic of today's blog, but I ended up going with a different topic for two different reasons. One is because my threenager is sick with a cold that was passed down from her father, then to me, and now to her. Ugh. The other reason is because of a conversation my best friend and I had earlier.


A sweet moment captured between mother and daughter

Earlier tonight, my best friend and I were chatting about how my fiancé and I have discussed having another child. At first, he was strongly against it, but now, we're at the point where he'll at least think about it and weigh what he believes are the pros and cons of having another child. Anyways, my friend and I talked about how I really do want another some day, but how I'd feel guilty. When she asked why I'd feel guilty, I explained to her how I don't want Aurora to ever feel like she's less important or less special given the fact that when I was pregnant, I never had a baby shower; I never had maternity pictures done; I didn't have any pictures (except one) of me holding Aurora in the hospital when she was born. I didn't get any cute professional newborn photos done of her like I wanted to... And most importantly, my fiancé  wasn't around for the first 9 months of her life. He was a bit more hands on after 4 months, but that was only because I had to stop nursing her which meant he could take her overnight at his place. Before then, he rarely saw her because he was kind of a jerk. And in case anyone is confused, my fiancé and I were not together  throughout the 3rd trimester of my pregnancy. I'll be saving that story for a blog of its own, but I just want to make things clear that my fiancé went through a lot of great changes at the 9 month mark, hence why once 9 months rolled around, we got back together, and since then, we've been a very happy and healthy couple. But again, I'll devote a blog post just about that some day.

Even once we were together again, we weren't living together, so he didn't get to see Aurora the way he sees her now which is every day now that we are living together. And it would make me feel guilty if our new baby got everything Aurora didn't get. In talking with my friend, she gave some great advice: To just include her in everything! Not sure why I didn't think of that, but it's definitely a great idea. Have her help with the baby shower! Have her in all the maternity pictures. Have her in all of the newborn pics... Well, maybe not ALL... But just include her and make her feel special, too. And someday, if she ever asks, we can explain to her what happened and why she never got any of those things for her. None of them will hurt her, so I see no harm in telling her if she ever asks. If she doesn't, we'll let it be.

I love being a mother. I really do. And I hope someday that I will have two beautiful children! That Aurora can have a sibling. A friend for life! I love my older brother! He's like my buddy sometimes, and even though I never see him because we live in different countries, I still love chatting with him through Facebook and texts. :) Being a mother isn't easy. It can get frustrating... Especially when they're newborns and can't communicate. Then they're toddlers and they're a bit... Uh... Crazy? Yeah, crazy is a decent word, but it's like.. A different kind of crazy, lol. They can communicate, but they are picky and can't make up their cute little minds! And pregnancy isn't fun either! Then there's childbirth.... It's hard to imagine why any woman would WANT  another child after going through it once before and knowing what you'll be in for. But the truth is, being a mother is my favourite thing ever! Aurora loves to challenge me... And I love that about her! I love the challenges she brings me, too! She's so funny, and sweet, and she loves to sing to and with me, which is a huge, and literal dream come true! It's all worth it to me! I know what I'd have to deal with, and I don't mind it because I have a lot of love in my heart, and I just wanna share it someday with another little one! I'm not saying I wanna have a baby soon like.. In 9 months lol. But once Brad and I get married, which we still haven't even set a date for, I wouldn't mind trying for another.

I wonder if any other parents with more than one child has ever felt guilty at any point in time for whatever reason(s). Is it normal to feel that guilt? I don't know! I just know that if I'm ever lucky enough to be blessed with another child, my love for Aurora won't change, and my love for my new child will still be very strong.

Until next time!

Toots McGee!

Watch Aurora's 3rd birthday tribute video (not available on mobile, sorry!)